[This episode contains some marital intimacy stuffs. Readers discretion is advised]
His eyes were cool and inviting, he drew me nearer and I could feel his breath on my face. My heart beat faster as he bent his lips against my cheek, I quickly turned away in shyness and spoke sharply.
“A kiss inside the car?” I said moving my mouth away
“My car glasses are tinted, no one is seeing.” He said, smiled and quickly added.
“Don’t worry, I won’t touch you if you ain’t ready.” He said and I heaved a sigh of relief, I tried to release my hands from his hold but he enclosed them in his and admired my fingers.
“You’ve got fine fingers.” He held unto my hands and placed a kiss on the back ofit. He was staring admiringly at me which made me uncomfortable and I quickly thought of a plausible excuse to escape.
“Ermmmm Haarith I want to wee.” I said and he burst out laughing.
“You want to wee? Like you’re some kindergarten pupil?” He said amidst laughter.
“Haarith I’ll wee in your car o.” I said and he reluctantly released my hands, I ran out and his laughter trailed me.
I walked briskly into the house and straight into my room, oblivion of Fateemah’s presence in the room, I started soliloquizing.
“Thank God I escaped.” I said while panting.
“Escape from what?” Fatimah asked me and I gasped.
“I didn’t know you were in the room.” I said with a surprise.
“Yes I am, tell me, what did you escape from?” She pestered.
“Nothing.” I replied
“Hmmm, you escaped from his kiss right?” Faatimah said and I marveled.
“I’ve always said it that you’re a flying witch.” I said with amazement.
“I am not a witch, it’s what I have passed through remember. Come here let me educate you about first night.” Faatimah said.
“No thanks.” I objected.
“You better stop being naughty and tap some knowledge from experienced people like me.” Faatimah said with a smile.
“Don’t worry mum has already told me everything I needed to know.” I said just to dismiss her offer.
“Okay o, if you say so. Your husband is not a greenhorn anyways, he surely must know how to handle a woman so you’re good to go.” Faatimah said and I quickly asked a question.
“Ermmmm, is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the first night?” I asked and she gave me a nasty look before responding.
“Well, that’s a private decision by the couple, it’s not a must, why do you ask? Are you scared?”
“Not really, I just want to know.”
“You just have to prepare your mind and that’s all. Most times the first night is not always up to expectations. You always hear sex is pleasurable but the first night may not due to pains that arise from tearing of hymen but all the same it doesn’t have to hurt a lot. Just a little pain and you’re fine. So don’t run away from kisses again like you did today, it’s a foreplay that helps lubrication. The more foreplay you engage in prior to sex, the more ready you get for penetration and the more enjoyable the intimacy okay?” Faatimah said and I nodded my head.
“Okay, it’s not as if we’re having sex today so I couldn’t just bring myself to it. I wanted to melt at his breath, gosh I was very shy.” I said and my sister smiled.
“Well being the first time it’s understandable but next time don’t be shy. Shyness shouldn’t exist between a husband and wife, relax, allow your mind accept it and that way it will be easier……….. take a look, your husband brought those five boxes and they are all filled with clothes, I have taken out of the clothes, sorry I am just telling you.” Faatimah said and I stared hard at her before responding.
“So because of the little lecture you gave me now you must collect a reward.” I asked.
“I already took them before I said anything, why are you so petty? The clothes are too much you should be able to share unless you want to open a clothing store after marriage.”
“Okay ooo………Don’t worry you can take as much as you want and don’t forget to take for the baby inside of you as well.” I teased and she rolled her eyes at me.
“Silly girl with sharp mouth! Anyways have you called Haarith’s wife?” Faatimah asked me and I was dazed.
“Am I supposed to call her?” I asked
“I think you should………..yes you should, you guys should talk before you bumped unto her.”
“I am scared, she might not want to pick my calls.”
“Why wouldn’t she? Don’t tell me you guys haven’t been talking on phone. You have to try first.”
“I am always scared to call her despite the fact that she’s my friend’s sister. What will I say if I call her?”
“Start by greeting her then you proceeds into other things gradually.”
“Let me tell Haarith first.”
“Do you still need to tell Haarith before you call your co-wife?”
“Ah me I don’t know o.” My sister replied indifferently and I followed my instinct. I told Haarith I wanted to call Haleemah and he told me to go ahead.
My heart was beating fast as I dialed Haleemah’s number, she picked up and I hesitated to talk before my sister gave me the go ahead look.
“Asalam Alaykum Warahmotullah Wabarakatuh.” I greeted with shaky voice.
“Walaykum Salam Warahmotullah Wabarakatuh………..Ramlah how are you?” She asked and I was surprised.
“You…..you….. know my number?” I stuttered.
“Of course I do…………I know your number. We’ve been on this for a while remember?” She said and a feeling of guilt engulfed me.
“I am sorry.” I said with some remorse.
“You don’t need to be sorry….everything happens for a purpose. I heard there was a solemnization today.”
“You mean how I got to know…….of course my husband told me, he doesn’t hide anything, he’s so sweet.” She replied and quickly prayed for me. “Baarakallahu laki wa baaraka alaiki wa jamaha bainakhumo fee khairin.”
“Aamin thanks so much for accepting me.”
“It’s not been easy, in fact it takes some self discipline to accept the reality but I hope we can be sisters till Jannah.” She said and I broke into tears, her emotions betrayed her as well and she quickly ended the call.
I cried so hard my sister comforted me to no avail.
“Ramlah please stop crying.” My sister pleaded
“How can someone be so sweet, how can someone be so virtuous, how can someone be so tolerant and understanding? Fatty do I really deserve this favour from Allah?” I asked my sister in tears.
“Yes my sister you do, every human deserves a favour from the Almighty and He blesses us in different ways. Do not see yourself as a homebreaker or a husband snatcher hence you’ll be viewed as such. You are going into Halal relationship and Haarith is the man Allah has destined for you so regardless of whether he’s married or not, you are a legitimate wife. Dry your tears now and bask in the euphoria of Allah’s favour.” My sister comforted.
“Thank you.” I replied amidst tears.
“You’re welcome my dear. It’s apparent Haarith and his wife are good people so do not be the bad one that is joining them. Fight every spirit of bad behavior in you and transform into an angel. I know you ain’t bad as well but you need to be a better version of yourself.” My sister advised and I hugged her for her thoughtfulness.
A bride going into marriage always receive advises from all quarters and mine wasn’t an exception. The advices were too numerous, probably because I was going into polygamy. The loads of advices I got could feed 20 different brides at once. The advices were just popping in and it got to a time nothing was new to my ears again.
As the days drew nearer my mum made it a point of duty to do a daily reminder for me. Love your mate as yourself. Do not see her as a rival. Do not hurt her or harm her. Treat her the way you can treat Faatimah your blood sister. It’s not easy sharing one’s husband and a woman who decides to do that without a fight should be held in high esteem. Those are my mum’s numerous advices and others are:
Marriage is an institution of learning where you receive a certificate before you start. You’re not allowed to quit this school and in this school you undergo series of tests and examinations. Like a school student, hardwork and dedication makes one succeed in the marriage institution while laziness and lack of purpose drives one to failure. There’s no perfect man or woman, hence no perfect marriage therefore for any marriage to succeed, forgiveness should be the watchword.
Take note of the three Ps: Prayer, Perseverance and patience. When there’s a stumbling block pray to no other than your Lord. If faced with challenges be patient and persevere and in the end the tough times would be over. Respect your husband and let him know you hold him in high esteem. When you give men 500 worth of respect, they reciprocate by giving you 1500 worth of love and adoration. Men desires respect while women cherish to be loved and adored.
Marriage is the coming together of a man and woman raised under different roofs with different methodology to live as one and aspire for a common goal. Your behaviors can’t be the same because you weren’t raised by same parent and you’re even of different tribes. Learn their culture and try to affiliate with it. Learn their language and their foods, what we eat here is different from what they eat in the north, likewise our cultures and attributes. Learn everything concerning them and accept them the way they are. Do not get there and try to change their culture simply because it doesn’t conform with yours, blend into theirs instead and don’t try to proof yours is in anyway better.
The advices were well absorbed and I looked forward to the big day with so much happiness. On the eve of the wedding ceremony, guest started trooping into our house. My mum’s relative who advised me against marrying a married man during Fatty’s wedding were all surprised I was marrying same man. They wanted to give their negative opinions one more time but my mum didn’t give room for that.
“That is the choice she’s made and I am happy so far she’s happy. My prayer is that Allah see her through and assist her in everyway.” My mum said to one of her sister who made a negative comment.
“Our prayer is that she succeeds in her marriage, it’s not all polygamy that has a sad tale. There are exceptional ones with sweet stories.” My aunt replied and I smiled. I looked at my mum and once again I was proud of the supportive mother she’d become.
It’s really how you carry yourself that people will weigh you, if you love and accept yourself then you attract people’s love but when you pronounce yourself a shit, then people will treat you as such. When my mum accepted my choice and spoke well of it, her family had no choice but to accept it as well.
That night I couldn’t sleep, I was overwhelmed with happiness as beautiful smiles formed on my lips. I opened my WhatsApp and noticed Haarith was on line and decided to chat him up.
“Hi love……What’s up?” I asked informally.
“Tomorrow on my mind.” He replied.
“Yes just few hours to becoming your wife.”
“You’ve become my wife since four weeks ago.” He replied.
“Okay, just a tiny step closer to you.”
“That’s better………..after the wedding tomorrow, we’ll lodge in a hotel in Lagos and on Sunday morning we’ll live for Dubai.” He revealed and I was silent.
“What’s the silence about, what’s on your mind?” He asked.
“Nothing……..it’s my Iyale coming?” I asked
“Iyale? What’s that?” He asked and I burst out laughing.
“Iyale means the senior wife of my husband.” I explained amidst laughter.
“Okay now I get it. Your Iyale isn’t coming.” He replied.
“She’s very heavy and going to be due this month.”
“Alright, may Allah deliver her safely.” I prayed.
“Aamin……….so have you………..” He wanted to ask something but I quickly interrupted.
“Haarith I want to sleep now, can I?” I said just to escape whatever it is that he wanted to say.
“You! Don’t worry you won’t escape tomorrow.”
“Please don’t scare me joor.”
“Not at all, I am not scaring you….just ringing the reality in your ears.”
“Okay I have heard you, tomorrow is the day, no escape route again………..”
Then comes the much expected day, a day Haarith and Ramlah’s love finally got endorsed by the almighty and human bear witness to the beautiful love they shared. The wedding ceremony was a big one. We rented a big event center and the hall wasn’t enough. Tens of canopies were also erected outside the hall to accommodate guests who doesn’t have a place inside the hall. Haarith’s family showed up in mass and we recalled a very successful wedding ceremony.
The guest lecturer of the event spoke and his lectures borders about polygamy and he specifically urged me to listen with rapt attention. ‘Why people refer to polygamy as house of drama is because of the unending struggles and battles between or among co-wives in competing for the husband’s affection and attention. This often poses rivalry and at times unhealthy competition if care is not taken. There is no supremacy in polygamy, the wives have equal rights and the husband should be fair in his dealings. The ultimate goal in every marriage is to please Allah and also in polygamy, the wives shouldn’t strive to please the husband but Allah for in pleasing Allah, the husband is also pleased and the rivalry subdued’.
The wives should see themselves first as sisters in Islam before seeing themselves as wives of the same husband. A Muslim is not one who hurts or harm his fellow Muslim and this should apply in polygamy as well. The lecturer went on and on about the rights of spouses in Islam and there was so many lessons learnt in a day coupled with the advices given by family and friends, everything put together could last me a life time.
The feast was going on and I was greeting guests along with my friends from one tent to another with beautiful smiles on my face. My dreams had finally come through and I couldn’t have been happier. I smiled so hard till my jaw almost dropped and happiness radiated from my whole being. I had cried prior to this day but today I wasn’t crying at all. I defied the saying that brides do cry on their wedding day. Why should I cry when I was going to be with the most beloved person in the universe, why should I cry when I wasn’t forced into marriage, why should I cry when my dream of being with Haarith had finally come to pass. All this reasons I thought shouldn’t cause tears but how wrong was I, my emotions betrayed me when the reality of finally leaving my family dawned on me.
Haarith announced it was time to go and as if I haven’t heard of the word ‘go’ before, I held unto my dad’s legs and started crying. I was crying but dad was laughing.
“Ramlah you have to go now, there’s no withholding after giving. We’ve given you to him already.” My dad said amidst laughter.
“Please tell him to come back tomorrow.” I said amidst tears and my dad laughed harder.
“Doctor Haarith my daughter said you should come back tomorrow.” My dad said jokingly but Haarith was smiling. I held unto my dad’s leg still and didn’t let go, my mum walked up to us and I quickly left dad and went to hold mum tightly.
“Mummy I want to spend more time with you. Please tell Haarith to come back.” I begged mum and the pools of tears settled on her eyelid started dropping as she spoke and showered me with prayers.”
“Ramlah my daughter, you have to go. After marriage a woman’s place is with her husband. Do not panic my dear, Allah shall be with you and be your guide always. May your marriage be blessed with good fruits and may happiness and blessings be your companion all the days of your life. I shall not be called upon to carry your corpse and you shall live in peace with your husband and co-wife forever.” My mum prayed and gave my hands to Haarith. He quickly grabbed them and pulled me over to himself. He dried my tears with his hands, wrapped me to his chest and whispered to my ears.
“Let’s go.” He said and I shuttled my gaze between my mum and dad, they nodded their heads and spoke in one voice.
“Go with your husband.” My parents chorused and I followed Haarith.
He held my hands as we walked to the car. He got the door opened and asked me to go in. I hopped in and he joined me. The driver started the engine and zoomed off. He was still holding my hands but I was silent. He stared at me for seconds and smiled before speaking.
“What was that drama all about?” He asked but I was mute, he smiled and shrugged. “You really wanted me to come back? I bet you won’t be able to sleep this night if I left you here.” He said and I rolled my eyes.
“What’s that, why is your eyes shaking? Do you have an insect in your eyes?” he asked and I smiled.
“Leave me joor.” I said with a smile, he smiled and turned my head to face him.
“You’re secured with me, do not panic.” He said and I nodded my head after which he rested his head on my shoulder.
The journey to Lagos continued with me now more relaxed and comfortable with him. The driver was telling him something now in Hausa but he told him to say it in English. I told Haarith not to worry that I understood what the driver was saying, he was marveled and told me to tell him what the driver said.”
“He said you’ve taken two brides outside the north that you should consider the north for the third one.” I interpreted what the driver said and Haarith was surprised.
“I never knew you understood Hausa.” He marveled.
“Don’t forget I school in the north, I understand it but can’t really speak it. You guys can’t sell me with Hausa o.” I replied.
“And that was why I told him to speak in English. It’s very wrong to speak in a language the third person in a crowd doesn’t understand. Anyways don’t mind him, third wife is not in my agenda.” Haarith said and I shook my head.
“You don’t expect me to believe that do you? There’s no stopping a polygamous man from getting to four.”
“I am not saying it for you to believe me but I want you to know I don’t change my words. I won’t tell a woman I’ll do what I won’t do, and I won’t tell her I wouldn’t do what I will do.” He replied bluntly and I stared at him in amazement. I am now seeing an entirely different Haarith, a firm and witty one.
We got to Lagos and checked into a hotel. It was past Magrib time and Haarith excused himself to go to the mosque. I walked into the restroom, took a shower and performed ablution for Sallah. I observed Magrib, it was also time for Ishai so I had to observe the two in quick succession. After the prayer I lied on the mat. It’s been a long day and I was really exhausted.
I had slept off and it was Haarith’s entrance that woke me up.
“You didn’t lock the door.” He said as he entered.
“Oh I forgot.” I replied amidst sleep.
He moved closer and lifted me from the mat unto the bed. My sister’s words echoed in my head, ‘accept a foreplay and it will be more easier’ I relaxed and indeed it was. My first night with my first love and my forever crush was pleasurable.
I had no problem, my husband was an experienced man and he was gentle. I had tears in my eyes as I received him. He kissed away my tears and assured his love for me.
“I love you Ramlah…………so hard I can’t explain.
“I love you too my first man, so much I can’t explain too.” I replied beneath him.
The following day, we were supposed to leave for Dubai and our flight was scheduled for 1:00pm but at the early hour of Sunday morning. We received a call. My co-wife had put to birth. She birthed our third son. Our Dubai trip suspended and we had to return to Kaduna.
It’s so painful I won’t spend the next seven days alone with my husband but my dad said polygamy is a lot of sacrifice, maybe the sacrifices had just begun.