TOGETHER FOREVER (A short true life story)
We can make our marriage work despite our background. There’s no doubt that our background is an influencing factor in our marriage but the determination to change the narrative makes a lot of difference.
Have you ever wondered why those who come from a broken home have resolutions to make their marriage work? I have met a whole lot of them and you know what? They are having a great marriage despite their background. The strong will not to follow their parents footsteps make them wiser and more careful. They may be faced with hurdles but they don’t lose focus.
A reader of mine wants to share the story of her strong resolution with us, she came out of what she tagged ‘The worst turbulence’ stronger and determined to love her husband till Jannah calls. Please read and learn one or two things.
I read your recent stories about marriages and felt I should share my purpose to educate people. I wish you could turn it into writing. Walai it wouldn’t go well if I do myself.
My husband and I are not the usual couple and that’s why we love each other more. He is an introvert but for me I talk with people and he’s comfortable with it. It was his decision with his parents and i didn’t object.
We both come from complicated homes.His parents are divorced when he was a toddler. Mine are still together with a whole lot of issues.I didn’t have a good marriage example growing up but I made my decision to make mine work.I decided I am getting married with an open mind leaving my background behind.
Alihamdulilahi robil alamin for the kind of man he become. I guessed he is one of those miracle babies Allah guided all the way irrespective of the environment they find themselves.
Living with his family was not our agreement (His father remarried) I wasn’t even consulted but I understood the love between him and his father so I prayed to Allah for guidance and prepared for the ups and downs that come with the sacrifice after all it’s different apartment just the same compound so what could possibly go wrong?
My mother in law (His real mother) is a sweetheart (May Allah continue to bless her) she is everything anyone would want in a mother in-law,she treats me like one of hers and father in-law too is a father indeed but the other mother in law (His step mum) is a good person just power drunk and an authoritarian.
She never treated or treats my husband like one of hers but acts like she owns him. Before the wedding she had tackled me starting from my genotype Alihamdulilahi I am AA, followed by my use of hijab;she satirically said “if you start wearing socks and using big hijabs you can’t go out with me “and I was like I actually don’t want to go out with you before in my mind of course (Masha Allah I am now).
Then about my home town,she said the extended family rejected me but “she has defended me” but she said she seriously needs to start seeing changes in my skinny husband whom she fed for more than 20yrs in just 3months
Yoruba people say “Iya meji kije okugbe, Allah blessed me with awesome father in-law and grandfather in law.They are always there for me.
My husband lost his job few weeks before Ramadan and I was already pregnant,he started isolating himself and thought Maybe he needed space. More troubles started when my mother in law (His step mum) commanded me to tell my husband to give her $100 dollars so that she can buy Aqeeqah’s cloth for me from Dubai (she was traveling there and did I forget to mention that she is hyper-controlling) but I didn’t;I am not daft . I was hit like a ping pong ball when she realised I didn’t deliver the message but it didn’t end there. There was trouble between me and my husband,he moved out of our bedroom permanently. Things started falling apart but we’re very good at keeping appearances in the midst of people. I started adjusting to my new condition, then come the shock of my life.
I lost my child!,innalilahi was inna ilahi rojihun. I don’t blame anyone nor hold anyone responsible for it. it was a Saturday,I was in the kitchen cooking spaghetti.my sister in-law came and ask why I chose to eat spaghetti and I said”your brother has refused to buy Rice that I should consume the spaghetti at home” we played a lot and made fun of my husband after which she went away.
Few hours later my husband came to me furiously,Walai I have never seen him so angry before and I pray never to see him like that again.A fight broke out and it was very terrible. Oh yes! My mother in law (His step mum) has done it again. I don’t know up till today what exactly she said to him but I knew it’s not just what she said but how she said it. I started contracting and had to bear my pains alone. He wouldn’t talk to me unless to reply my Salam. I begged and begged but nothing,he didn’t even eat my food.By Tuesday I couldn’t hold the pain anymore so I thought of going to the nearby hospital since the hospital I registered for anti natal is far. The doctor checked me and asked me to come with my husband in the evening. We both went and he informed him about my condition and the need for the child’s delivery but my husband refused and the doctor was shocked. He thought I was pretending to make him come around.By Friday it became worse and couldn’t sleep through the night and had to wake him by 4:am but he said he couldn’t go out that early so we waited for the clear sky. Finally we got to the hospital and spent several hours in the labor room,my contractions became weaker so I was given drugs to stop it since I am not due,by this time he had realised his mistake and started to care for me like an infant. After spending 5days I was induced and delivered a baby boy but he didn’t cry. The pediatricians was called to attend to him and came to tell me is a 50/50 chance on the delivery bed. The baby died the following day and the only thing I was able to do to him was kissed his forehead.I didn’t even get to carry him. I didn’t hold my husband nor my mother in law (His step mum) responsible for the child’s death. Allah made it so but it wouldn’t have been that painful. Close to 2yrs later I got pregnant,my husband got a new job and I also got a job with a lovely baby girl.
I didn’t share my story for people to judge, criticize or abuse my mother in law, I never hated her. Infact till today she didn’t know that her actions almost destroyed my home. We still always have our issues but to me the worst has happened. And for me and my husband it’s a story that keeps our love stronger and stronger after all we are only believers tested by our Creator, we always remember Q94 V5.
This is my story, please post anonymous.
No marriage is perfect and no two marriages are the same. The determination to work things out despite all odds makes a together forever. May Allah uphold our homes and make our spouses the comfort of our eyes till Jannah.